Proving Yourself as a Female

If you are a girl, you probably know what I am talking about, esp if you were a tomboy growing up.

As a female we are constantly demanded to prove ourselves. In the schoolyard girls aren't allowed to this or play with us, you may be able to kick our asses and that threatens our masculinity, you can't play because you are a girl. It's like the same stereotype that men can't be sensitive because that means that they are weak or a sissy.

Gender roles have played a major part in development of who I am (don't they with everybody...I suppose). I grew up with parents divorced, I lived with my dad and thought science and being geek was fun and cool. I played violent video games like Wolfenstien and Doom. My mother tried her best to have the girly girly daughter, which most of the time I am not ... she regrets having me take ballet or gymnastics. In Australia I had to wear a skirt 5 days a week as part of my uniform and lived with one of the biggest girly girls I know, my exchange student. I learned to like shopping, or at least tolerate it. I never dyed my hair or attempted to be "more female" before I went to Oz. When I came back for my senior year of high school, I was wearing skirts and being a bit more girly.

Because I learned to love science at an early age, I decided to go into a field that is still male dominated, Geology. For example in our dept, we only have two female professors, one is the dept. chair...go Mary! And although the guys are nice, you still have to prove yourself in the field to them sometimes. The stereotype of girls being weak in ingrained.

Gender beding fascinates me, taking what is stereotyped and messing with it. I love Drag Queens and Kings, Trans, Ziggy Stardust-esc figures, etc. All very interesting.

But yet, to this day I try to breach the line between masculine and feminine. I wear guys clothes, I don't care...whatever fits and looks good, great! I love weight lifting. I play video games like a madman, part of it is the thrill that I can actually say I can go against guys in a genre that has been mostly masculine and hold my own or at least attempt to. Like the girlfriend of a gamer at NDK said "Wow, you play? I always watched but I never thought of picking up the controler, I might try that..." And sure yeah I am still girly, I wear skirts and uber sexy outfits to make heads turn and for the attention, why the hell not, and it's even better when the assume that your skirt is as short as you attention span, then when you talk to them you really blow their minds.

I remeber once a bully said to me "girls can't do anything".

Yeah right.

But I think the worst part is when someone underminds me in anything I do. Like wow you suck at writing papers, etc. It hurts. Even if it's a joke it hurts. I try very hard to hold my own as a female in society when I am surronded by dumb girls who will bow to men. I hate girls who don't use their minds or at least try to find something they are good at and go for it or maybe attempt something that they aren't good at. Everybody has something that makes them happy and they don't need to just consume it but they can do something to further themselves. If you like clothes shopping, why not to become a designer yourself.

But whatever you do, don't tell me you can do it better or that I can't or never will...

This post is much more detailed than it seems, there are some many little avenues to explore with it. And if it doesn't make sense than ignore it, I am really tired and need sleep. Night.

Current Music: Rain falling.
Current Mood: Tired and jilted.