So been taking Lexapro for about a week now. It has dizzing highs and horrible lows. I feel like a crack addict. When I take it, I get a rush, when I come off it, I want to curl up and sleep.
And this is a prescribed medication. And I am half the dose I should be.
I call myself the hyper chimpmunk because most of the time, I am. I can't sleep half the time. Saturday night I never went to bed, was dancing around the air room of the station and more awake then I usually am at 7am. I actually danced listening to my Ipod walking across campus to the radio station.
....freak....
The past couple of days I've been depressed as hell. Didn't even want to get out of bed. Didn't shower. Didn't get out of my PJs. It was bad.
But for as much bad it seems to be me taking this medication, when I am hyper I am more focused. I've noticed that I am a lot less stressed out.
And everything is supposed to balance out after week one.
How are you today?
I was reading an article somewhere at somepoint, it may have been in the Colorado Daily or Westword about greetings. When you see someone the greeting has gone from "Hello." to something like "Hey, how's it goin'?"
When I walk in the hallway from my room, and I see someone in the hall, it goes something like this:
"Hi, How are you?"
"Pretty good, you?"
"Good."
Even if it is the worst day of your life, in this greeting conversation you are most likely going to say "not bad" or "okay" but usually not "my life is hell. thanks for asking".
Since I read the article about how the question has become part of our greeting and not an actually inquirey to our personal well-being, it made me think....how often to I say something like "pretty good" even if I am feeling horrible. The answer often. So lately I've replaced it with words like "survivng", "shitty", "much better", "awesome", etc. Now this mostly applies to me for verbal conversation, however written I usually say things like "pretty good" and mean it. And if I don't feel pretty good, I'll tell ya'.
Whine Whine Whine
I feel like I whine too much in AIM, Google Talk, and e-mails, and blog for that matter.
This is the public apology.
But honestly when people inquire what I've been up to and I've spent the past week in bed... that's what you get.
Calling all asexuals
So I have figured out I am probably asexual. I have like no interest in a sexual relationship. I love to cuddle, very affectionate, just not sexual.
It cracks me up cause I think most of the time when I have a "crush", 80% of them are just focused admiration. It's like..."I am making a new friend! wheeeh! I want to spend time with them! wheeeh! This person is totally awesome, I want to share interests with them!" which to my mind was like, "I must have crush on them" but I've been doing a lot of thinking and even if I have previously stated it as a crush...it probably wasn't.
I just have this major desire to become closer with the person but not intimate. And even when I say I "should just jump/kiss/glomp them", I am pretty sure it's a society thing with "if you have a crush...". I think I also do this women but since I identify as straight, it only becomes and issue with men because I am like "I like being with them....it must mean I have crush on them".
Then the next step must be ask them out on a date, and when I do, I get rejected. No wonder. And all I want to do is hang out with the person more.
I know I am one of the few people that doesn't think "society" influences them. But there's the contrary example.
I was reading about "What is an asexual?" and wow, I am like...yep, that's me.
I love this math equation. I may have to get a button or something with that on it.
Sorry if that whole thing above was confusing. Rememeber I am a hyper squirrel.
People: The indie boy, the dude, and the random date
So Lionel seems to have stopped talking to me. It just stopped randomly when I told him I was sick. My theories: busy, afraid of germs, afraid of me. Probably thinks I am too needy or something which really isn't the case, like I said, I've been far too whinny lately. Which is sad, he's a cool guy and I like talking to him.
Matt, poor Matt. I really haven't been meaning to ignore him but everytime he stops by my room is just bad timing. Plus I have been so out of it. I like that he comes and sees me, I am just wacked out.
Sunday night I am going on a date. Yep, little old me got asked out. Now before we get all these wacky ideas, it's a casual thing. Jason (paleo-J) and I are going to dinner and then to the Scumdowner (Sundowner Saloon) to play some pool. I was talking about how I've been out of the dating loop for so long that couples gross me out. I can't picture myself in a relationship, and maybe I just need a date, that would help. So Jason asked me. It'll be fun, I am really looking forward to it. J and I always have fun.
Current Mood: Not tired. Damn medication.
Current Music: "Don't Sweat It" - Toothfairy (for me, this song is what high school was)
"Welcome to the prep rally. Aren't you just so enthused? Half hour's compulsary, don't even think about skipin' through. Come on and show us your school spirit, say it proudly: Tigers rule!"
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