Family stuff

There is a good chance that my mom is not only smoking pot (which she has done basically non stop since she was 15, even during two pregnancies) but is possibly doing and dealing cocaine.

I had a really good talk with my sister just now, I couldn't really sleep and she called. We talked for almost two hours about stuff, mostly family whatnot. My sister, Heidi, (if you aren't up on everything) is my half-sister on my mom's side and 10 years older. Well, today while they were packing up my mom's old stuff, our mom broke Heidi's thumb because well, my mother has no patience and a got pissed off.

With this and the now, "our mom is probably a coke head" shit, I really don't want to go to MUFON with my mother and the 1190 news team. Partially because my mother has gone past the point of undealable with stuff. I saw her this weekend and could barely tolerate a half-day with her, I can't imagine an entire weekend. I am not sure what to do. I hate to tell her that she can't come to MUFON with us. Suggestions?

Thank goddess I have one stable parent. I guess I tended to block out that my mom is a pot-head, that god knows what is wrong with me and Heidi as adults because our mom was constantly baked when we were in the womb. People say pot won't fuck you up. Just look at my mom before she started doing other drugs.

It's a long complicated story about why Heidi and I think she might be dealing and/or doing cocaine. And please don't pick it apart even if I do choose to tell you (and even if I don't). You don't know, you don't know my mother, you don't understand. Yes there is a possibility that she isn't but that isn't to say she is not getting worse, you wouldn't understand unless you witnessed it yourself. Just imagine the worst mental snap you've ever seen on TV where someone is screaming for no reason, they just are, they lost their keys, the steak isn't cooked right, whatever. Just picture it. They are screaming, they don't care who they hurt as the chuck stuff, they don't care what they break, it's like an adult temper tantrum. Now make it ten times worse and ten times louder. That's my mom. All the time. It's like a ticking bomb and you aren't sure what is going to set her off. And it has gotten worse, which I didn't think was possible.

If you don't think it is bad, then you didn't picture it well enough.


Heidi and I inherited some of this temperament from our mother. As adults we are able to control it. It's hard, but it can be done. It's like this rage and frustration you can never imagine. When I was younger, it was hard to control. As I have gotten older, I can control it better... if you have been around me long enough you may have seen when I snap... I've tried to train myself to give up or walk away. Most times I can do this, not always. Most of the time I don't even work myself up to that point. Thank goodness.

I guess I always wanted to think my family was just quirky fucked up not really fucked up.