Angst.

Now I am typical indie kid, totally angst right now. I am so impatient I guess. I really want something to happen and it's driving me bonkers!

What I would do if I were brave....I would go knock on his (Matt's) door right now and just give him a hug. He looked so down and I am just too shy. ARGH!!!



Phew. I think I just needed to vent. And glomp someone one (attack hug) so Richard (the other diversity mentor) became my victim. Yay for gay boys!


....
It's a combination of things I think that has turned me from "single! wheeeee!" to "*hits wall* I have a crush on someone."

One big reason, college. This campus is sooooo cute couples that it makes you sick. It's like if they made Disney World out of sickly sweet sugar that you get to eat all day long. I think I ODed on couples activity last semester. It seems like everyone I saw had someone.....except me so I totally blocked out that part of my brain.

The other reason, the guy himself. Matt really caught my attention when I met him and then late had an hour long converstion with him. Not many guys I know where we immediate launch into an in depth conversation of the Holocaust and Islam after meeting briefly once.

Oh and just to be clear, I know in writing or if you don't know the way crushes work with me, but I am not like "Oh my god! He's the one!!! We're going to get married and have 5 kids...etc."

I would never have 5 kids....j/k. No, i would just like to get to know him better, maybe get some sort of positive feedback, not stalk him and fantasize what color the house will be.

I am crazy and weird but I am not batshit crazy and out of the world weird.

And I am trying not to be whinny obsessive on my blog, but if I don't talk about it or vent it some other way, it'll build up and I will like go bonkers. Wait for the emo moment....

Wait for it....

"I'm coming undone."

Sorry I wrote "angst" in the 1st sentence, I need to say "I'm coming undone". It's an emo/indie thing.

Maybe Londyn is right and I just need a change of pace. (Londyn: "What do you mean 'maybe' I'm right?!") ;) lol, Thanks so much Londyn for listening to my insessant crazziness.

I am going to go to bed but I will leave you with the lyrics with this song that I totally love right now....

"This heart is stone,
No one will ever break it,
This heart a stone,
Just to you it breaks easily,
But everything they say tells me to go away,
But everything that I feel tells me to stay..." - Acid House Kings