Slightly down....

The whole Ben thing has got me down.

I've backed off for a bit because I want to see how he responds. Plus I never want to be that annoying clingy chick with no life except for her love interest....those girls (and guys for that matter) are just pathetic and sick.

Anyway he wants to give me the friends speech which honestly I don't understand....we already are friends. He had hoped that I have found someone else....which I have to say is never my case. Sure I have interests but I am lucky if I can find someone I like to go on a date with. I have never had a guy ask me out.

The other reason I have backed off is because I am in pretty bad shape. I went to the doctor and they gave me migrane meds to try which seem to work but make me sleepy. Plus I have some sort of bacterial infection that they are trying to kill with other meds. I am also fairly stressed with everything and tend to be kinda out of it...alot. I get a CT scan on the 23rd. We'll see if anything come up. Plus my room is a mess which just makes me feel all haywire but I don't have time or energy to clean.

I don't why things aren't working with Ben. If he gives me the friends speech I am going to grill him for a real explination because to me it doesn't make sense. Maybe I am just a naive chick who doesn't get it. And then do I bring it up?....like a "hey, I know you want to say the f-word to me so let's just talk about things..." but I am really afriad to open that can of worms...
And it's not like I want to rush things or am looking for a super commited relationship....I mean we all know too well that I tend to take these things slow and just not rush anything...I like to have things like this with minimal stress and just lots of fun.

And I know he is afraid he will learn too much but I wish he would just read my f--king blog. He wants to learn these things from me directly but we never talk about it.