It's okay but it still really hurts...

"Last night Steph came over and cooked me dinner. There were a couple of times during the night when I wanted to actually talk about our relationship, but I was having too good a time for the most part. I think the biggest problem is that when I tell her I don't want to be more than friends, I want to have a good reason, and there really isn't one. I'm just not interested. It really makes me uncomfortable to have someone going out of their way to do nice things for me when I can't seem to return the favor. I understand why she's does them, since I myself am the same way, but it's just very odd to me. And what's worse, every time I hang our with her, we have too much fun to talk about serious things, it seems. I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it tough." - Ben's Livejournal

You'd think I'd be okay with it since I am not entirely sure how I feel anyway but it really hurts and makes me depressed when I think about it. Almost want to cry...I can't figure out if it's the pain of rejection and feeling of loneliness or the fact that I do like the boy.....I think it's both.

Pre-me asking Ben out....I thought he had some sort of interest in me.....but I guess it was just wichful thinking...although I don't know any guys that say the volume of blatent flirty phrases to me that he does.

Fuck. I'll repeat my phrase...."Why do I alway go after men that are entirely unobtainable?"