Life of me

New blog and goodbye.

2007-01-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Since Blogger merged my two accounts with this Beta google blogger stuff I have decided to make a new blog. For those frequent readers. I will let you know where it is... or just ask me. I am doing this for two reasons, one is disassociate my 1190 blogs from my personal life blog. The other is to kick start my writing with a bit more personal and less vague entries.

It's the start of the new year and maybe that should be my resolution... to post more.

Fucking new years eve....

2007-01-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

Congrats Miss Steppie Lee... you get to spend New Years Eve... by yourself!!

It shouldn't have bothered me as much but I am by nature a social creature. It's kinda like the world is having one big party and you not invited.

Plus, I dunno, the snow put me in a funk and I have been sometimes awkward socializing with certain people... I just wanted to have some fun but whatever...

Yes, it was for the most part by choice... I had an invite to a couple parties in Lakewood and one in Denver but I have to DJ from 7am-10pm today so partying in Denver/L-wood wasn't going to happen. But no one wanted to stay in Boulder and hang out so smeh.

I watched the pilot of Dead Like Me (and all the deleted scenes), drank half a bottle of $5 champagne and ate Chinese food.

I think the lady at the Chinese resturant by my house is starting to recognize me... same with the guys at Blockbuster.

"Hey dude, he comes that gothy looking chick that rents all the horror films and TV shows about death..."

Look George on Dead Like Me makes me feel better about myself because she is like me but more bitter... she's a virgin, has trouble dealing with guys, doesn't know what the hell she is going to do in life, swears alots and she's undead.... okay well maybe we don't have that last part in common. Zombie movies also make me happy. It depends but if I am hormonal and depressed, then I watch chick flicks and super sappy bollywood.... if I am just depressed then it's shows about death or movies about zombies.

I am sure at some point I am going to end up on a suicide watch list or people are going to ask if I am "oookaaaaay?" in that way that makes them wonder if you have gone off your rocker... Listen death is cool and whatnot but I don't want it to come any sooner than anyone else... I like life too much... I am pretty sure that is why I find most things about death pretty funny.

In other news I am starting to lose patience with this boy situation.... whatever... if I don't get a response then fuck it... moving on cause I don't have the time nor energy to just wait around in case something might happen.
He's been pretty sweet but for the most part I can't read what is going on in his head and drives me nuts and I end up saying stupid things.

Well I am going to go try and find some coffee before I have to be at the station... a combination of regretting things I said to the boy and just thinking about the whole boy situation as well as the excitment of 10 hours of DJ woke me up every couple of hours since about 11pm last night till 5:30am... when I finally got up because I can't sleep.

2006-12-29T21:09:00.000-07:00

I keep dreaming about vampires... probably because I read a bit of Bram Stoker's Dracula each night before bed.

Okay Dracula had a moustache... why is the detail missed in EVERY picture, movie, etc. about Drac? I still can't quite get over it, I need to see a Drac with a moustache to get the full visual.

"Within, stood a tall old man, clean shaven save for a long white moustache, and clad all in black from head to foot, without a single speck of colour about him."

To me this makes Dracula seem hmm... friendlier... like a little old grandpa vampire.. then again I am not that far into the book.

Short update... again.

2006-12-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Well since I am not migrainey anymore I am out living not posting on a blog... well at least sort of living.

I got a new camera for Christmas, therefore the next post will be picture happy goodness. I will also be taking a ton of photos.

The holidays were okay... some good and bad. Ima Gene, my great-aunt, died on Christmas day. I only met her once at the family reunion but I found her to be such a nice and funny lady that I basically hung out with her the whole time. I have a really great photo of her that I need to find, make a copy of and give to my grandmother. Ima Gene was 85 and died because her kidneys leaked toxins in her blood. My grandmother was really upset about Ima Gene, cause Ima Gene was only 10 years older than my grandmother and used to watch my mom, aunt and uncle when my grandmother needed to run errands or work.

My family drew names this year for presents. I drew Dave which is my aunt's husband and generally a complete asshole. Never talks to the family, etc. I crocheted him a dark grey scarf and gave him a bottle of Chilean wine. He loved it, I mean he genuinely like it. I was surprised.

My mother and sister are both trying to hook me up with guys... *sigh* my reply to them was that I'm sorry but I am kinda wanting to date this other guy and not interested. Which of course now the family wants to meet him.

Speaking of the guy, I spent the last snow storm at his house actually. He invited me and another friend over and we hung out and then I crashed on his couch. The next day (I was feeling sick because I discovered I am way more lactose intolerant than I thought) I went to get out to my car, dug it out, treid to drive it, got stuck. So I spent 20-30 min trying to dig my own car out. Couldn't get it. "Well maybe if he gives me a push I can get out" I thought. I knocked on his door and he came out and spent a full hour digging my car out. He is such a sweetheart. And even after all that, he invited me back to his place that evening. We and a couple of friends hung out some more.

I think I may pounce on him when he gets back from time with his family in a couple of days.

My dad's side of the family Christmas was good, the least stressful I have had in years. I got the camera and a card game called Killer Bunnies. Dad also found this game called Feds 'N' Heads which we copied and I can bring that to game night. Food was good and my grandmother started asking about "the guy I wanted to invite over for Thanksgiving" and which Howard was like "I can read people, so you should bring him over sometime" so Howard can size him up. So... both sides of the family want to meet the guy that I haven't even kissed, I don't know what is going on...

Anyway with any guy there must be a 6 month rule before either person meets family or is dragged to family functions. If anything ever happens with this guy, which I am not even sure since I have never gotten a definate answer either way from him but he isn't a avoiding me or stopped talking to me so I think it's a good sign.

Well I should head out, I need to get food before the next big storm moves in.

3am... what else are you going to do?

2006-12-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, how about post in your blog you've been neglecting!

So the latest. I'm sick. Hence why I am up at 3am on a Weds. morning... I am inbetween cold med doses.... last night went something like this "whoa... I need to get to bed... this stuff is kicking in... *crawls into bed* ack... *can't stop coughing* shit this stuff doesn't----*falls asleep*" ahh drugs...

Still haven't gotten the issue with CU withdrawing me from my class resolved. I filled out paperwork to get it added and now I am just waiting... and waiting... I am going to call tomorrow and see what the fuck is up. I may need to retake it, which just sucks. That will mean I will have 19 credit hours, about half of those credits are online classes.

Managers are leaving 1190 in flocks... Matt (the engineer), Katherine (news), Charlie (underwriting), Brook (student GM), and Joel (programming) are all leaving. Sad sad sad. I nearly cried at the last manager meeting when I thought about them all being gone.

So it seems everyone I haven't heard from in a long time is getting in touch with me... next my gay Matt will be dropping me a line I am sure. Anyway my old geology buddy Kirk, who has been stationed at Pearl Harbor the last 3 years, sent me an e-mail and might be visisting Colorado soon. Eva from Germany sent a mass e-mail to all her Colorado buddies. And finally I got a Christmas card from Andrea (yup Annie!) who is living with her boyfriend (I know... a boyfriend...) in Denver and gave me her cell so we can hang out sometime.

Okay I shoud head back to bed....

Quick update while the caffinee still holds...

2006-12-11T02:53:00.000-07:00

OKAY... I know I haven't posted in forever. But here's a quick update:

- Haven't had dizziness/vertigo unless I am super tired. Haven't had a migraine (save the one previously mentioned from game night weeks back) in 2 months. I am so fucking happy.

- Little drama that just popped up that I need to resolve... for some reason CU withdrew me from my Music Business II course... uh, I don't know why. *sigh* I will be making some phone calls in the morning.

- Well pending that... which I discovered writing this post... I should be able to graduate next semester. But it seems that CU is trying to shaft me at every turn with this one...

- I have revealed my crush to the guy and after a while of him be so busy it is crazy (which I know, my whole timing was THE worst for him), I got a bit of a response back which was an "I'm sorry I've been busy, we'll talk when I am not" and that is completely fine with me, I pretty much figured that but for my sake I had to get it out there right then. But I'm cool... I know what is like to be that busy you might go insane...

- Which leads to my last thing, with the exception of a few instances. I have been super calm and relaxed. I think it has been a combination of just life and the company I keep. I am rock right now, so lean if you need to.

The CU Paper trail:

2006-11-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

Primary goal: Graduate with Geology degree ASAP
Secondary goal: Certificate in Music Business

The classes needed to complete primary goal:
Critical Thinking - 3
Paleontology - 4

The classes needed to complete secondary goal:
Music Publishing - 3
Music Law - 3
Intro to Songwriting - 3

Issues:
- As a Boulder student I cannot take more than 6 credit hours at Denver
- All the classes for secondary goal are Denver classes
- Paleontology is only offered in the Fall in Boulder, Spring in Denver
- Music Publishing is only offered in the Spring and already closed this Spring (there is no waitlist)
- Music Law is only offered in the Fall
- As of now they have me listed as a transfer student to from Boulder to Denver which is incorrect (and could create huge problems)
- They do not offer a Geology degree at Denver

What I had ment to do:
- Do time-out program in Boulder
- Become a CU-Denver student
- Take all remaining classes in the Spring with exception to Music Law

Two problems:
- May not actually be able to graduate while doing time-out
- Music Publishing is full up

Okay new plan:
- Stay a Boulder student
- Take Paleo, Songwriting and Crit thinking
- Get degree

One problem:
- Paleo and Songwriting are 7 credit hours total which is over the limit

What I will mostly likely have to do:
- Take Paleo and Crit Thinking only
- Wait till summer to take Songwriting
- Take Music Law in Fall
- Take Music Publishing in Spring

...

fuck.

I feel the need to write but...

2006-11-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't have any idea tha I could experience such an array of emotions packed in to one night. I think part of it is heightened by the lack of sleep. Basically I had to give the "what...? um... well you aren't really my type" speech to a man that I supposed was taken to begin with (which took me by complete surprise). I had extreme frustration with my life and with others. I didn't figure that in the same room would be one person who gets on my nerves so easily and another that makes me feel such comfort and ease. The later of the two makes me laugh so much and I continue to get to know so much about him and want to learn more... I wish we could just chill and talk more. I sometimes I wish I could just tackle him with a big hug.

Again. I am sure the lack of sleep is what is really got me tweaked out right now. I feel like my life is both stressful, out of control, and in perfect harmony all at the same time. I feel the need to write but also that I shouldn't. I guess, all in all, I am just really confused but happy.

Egg Nog Chai = Spiffy

2006-11-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

I got chai from Brewing Market this morning because I only got 3 hours of sleep. It's really good. I also got a really good like cranberry raisen cinammon bagel. Spiffy is such a neato word, daddio. Sorry, like I said, three hours of sleep.

Anyway last night and we had it at my place. This gave me the excuse to go massive cleaning on the place. Arwen is going to come home (she was in LA doing her taping for Wheel of Fortune this week) and wonder a) why the kitchen looks really pretty nice and b) why my room is as clean, if not cleaner, than it was for 4th of July and c) why settlers of catan is on the dinning room table. I need to have people over more often so that it will remain this clean but I will try my best to keep it that way anyway. The only things I havent done are scrubbed my bathtub, vaccumed the rest of the house and mopped the kitchen. Anyway the second bookshelf and moving my bed have really helped in organizing my room better. I will try and coax my camera to work and take some photos. I will also upload photos of the boys having a pissing contest-- I mean battling their forces after the game was over because well... they wanted to see who was better. Oh and by "they" I mean Matt and Chewy.

Let me go back to Thursday night. Matt and hung out for a while, we went to the game store on Arapahoe which was having it's "new game Thursday". I had been to this game store once before but it was pretty empty and Chewy and I were just having a look around while we waited for the other gamers to call one aternoon. So Matt and I introduced ourselves to the owner. I let Matt do most of the talking since I fairly noob at the whole board game lingo. The guy showed us around, we turn the corner and there were a bunch of RPGers (role playing gamers) playing a game, all male, and upon entering the room all the guys turn and give the "Oh my god, its a girl!!" look. It was a little awkward for me but I enjoyed it. I've been to enough geeky things... conventions of all sorts, meetings, classes, etc where being female is an odd thing and they are shocked. My fav is video games gatherings in which they go "what do you know?... you are just a girl... girls don't play video games..." and then I proceed to kick their asses. Anyway I stuck close to Matt as we wandered and talked with people. We left to go get dinner and were laughing in the car about "attacking the darkness" since we are not RPGers. We almost stopped into another game/comic book store but it was closed. Matt said he wouldn't have the nerve to go in the store unless I was there, I have the shock "girl" disabler for gamers. We went to Thunderbird and I struck up a coversation with one of the workers who lived in South Africa (honestly I have been craving a good Aussie burger lately, pineapple & beet... mmm). Matt and I talked about RPGers and games, etc. etc. It was fun.

So anyway we played games at my place on Saturday, I started to get a migraine about halfway through a round of Dracula which really sucked because Matt had do the thinking for the both us. Matt was super sweet after the game though when I had to get gas and whatnot.

My crazy brain

2006-11-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am trying not to have a crush on Lucas only because I don't want shit to fly and get weird... yeah much harder than I thought. *sigh* Last night I had a dream we were playing this pirate game and it was a mix of gaming people and radio station and my other friends. It was a really fun pirate game in that the hex tiles were about the size of city blocks and when we built stuff it actually well was real. Again, Lucas and I were romantically involved but unlike some of my dreams, none of the friends (his, mine or mutual) freaked out. Anyway I am not sure where the pirate thing came from but you know when you have playing too many bard games when...
At least it's better than video game dreams.

Friday night Matt, Chewy and I did our Battlestar and board games. Matt won more Settlers and we played a few rounds of Dracula (which no matter who wins... I really like that game, it's really fun). I can't wait to get the Settlers expansions... either to 5-6 or Cities & Knights, both will be super fun.

I felt better yesterday.... like almost 100% better. Not sure why. Chai tea and Taco Bell the secret to feeling good?? (that was my breakfast)... that just seems wrong for Taco Bell to fix something. Let's see yesterday I didn't sleep and then did my show, had "breakfast" and watched an amazing sunrise... it made me want to paint which I may do some at one point or another. Then I went home and slept after my show. Picked up Chewy and we went to gaming store (that place is fun!) and picked up food and headed over to Matt's place.

We watched V for Vendetta while Brad did Calc homework. I really like that movie. We played some Settlers (Matt took a break to cook... okay well also we would have won if we played him) and Chewy won. Brad and I played Memoir against Matt, we were the Germans and won. That game is really neat. We had dinner and watched Hackers. We then played a 4 person modified TI game... and for once in like ever... I was actually a threat. I am so proud of myself for actually building so much a being a threat. :) I nearly got wiped out with one roll of the die... would have been a very different game had it gone my way with that. Anyway Matt won and although I was kinda shafted at times (I mean who isn't in board games), I really like the mod 4 person. We called it a night at 4am.... Matt was really awesome for hosting two nights in a row till 4am.

Today... I think it is going to be good. I am super optimistic and very happy. I only need one good day with my spinal vertigo to bring my optimism back (it gets killed at about day 3 of being stuck in bed). My dad gets back from China today and it'll be good to hear how that was. Okay off to attempt to do about, well 5 million things. :-D

2006-11-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

Been in bed since Monday. Figured out who my real friends are in this world, the ones who actually talk to you and worry about you when you are sick. No more crush either, it's all good, he doesn't care about me as to inquire how I am so I am not going to care about him. :-p

I guess I should mention I am drugged up right now too... I took the muscle relaxer my doctor prescribed.... I only took half and I am really drugged up, guess I should get into bed before the room gets too blurry and spinny.

2006-11-06T12:57:00.000-07:00

I am not sure what is going on and it is kinda starting to scare the shit of of me but I am doing worse than I have been in the last 3 weeks. All I have been able to do today is sleep and I can barely eat, walk, etc. If I make it to my car okay, I'll drive to campus. If not, I am calling a cab. I would take the bus but stomach is too quesy.

Damnit

2006-11-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

My body is getting worse again. I am not sure why but I am going to try to keep fighting so that I don't go back the point of the bed-ridden veg. That would just make me more frustrated.

I was trying to not have a crush on Lucas which seemed to be working. I was trying to tell myself why it wouldn't work, that he is not attracted to me, etc. etc. cause I just see myself getting burned. Then what does my brain do? Oh just have an entire dream devoted to Lucas and why he is such a great guy including saving me again (in my dream I fell because of my balance and stopped breathing and he gave me mouth to mouth). The entire dream we were laughing and smiling and making out... and argh stupid head. No, I shouldn't have a crush on him! Not because he is unattractive, I find him incredibly attractive but he is completely unobtainable because I am pretty certain he has no interest in me. Whatever it's just a small crush, I'll deal with it.

Game night... Matt won the first round of Settlers. TI was sucky for me, mostly cause I've been this total space cadet since I started getting this spinal vertigo thing. Matt took my home system. This is like the 4 or 5th game in a row that my home system has been taken. But whatever, I didn't figure it would go well for me anyway. I got knocked out of the game and played Halo for a bit just to blow stuff up and pass the time. I am not there was a winner in TI, it was really intense at the end. Settlers, Matt won again. I did win Frog Juice which despite it being a simple game I was fairly happy to win for the first time in a long time... I am pretty sure the more you have to think in these games, the less likely I am to win because my head is just really messed up right now. Between the vertigo and medication... I am screwed. But that's okay, I like hanging out and playing board games even if I seem like a total idiot but if I win one game of whatever occasionally, I'm happy.

I bought two video games on Friday and neither will play on my Xbox. I need to take them back (Sims and Myst 4). Which if they give me money back that'd be great cause I shouldn't have spent it, I was in one of my very down moods on Friday which just leads to self pitty and buying video games so I can zone out for a few more hours and not have to deal with things. I am going to stop trying to do that.

Not sure how today is going to be... I am not doing well right now... so we'll see. I wish I had a trike bike so I didn't have to worry about balance and could build up my strength and go for a ride. I think I'll build p my strength for the gym, lift weights again. Can't do cardio unfort because I would fall off the machine.

I really could use someone to talk to and hugs lately. I think that is why Lucas is always so appealing in my dreams, he is sweet and wants to listen and be there and I am just a sucker for caring smart guys.

Lucas, etc.

2006-11-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

So basically this situation with Lucas is kinda messed up. I've decided hat I really can't hit on him due to the nature of things blowing up in my face (which happens everytime I take intiative on these things). I am sure if I did I would get immediately rejected followed by total akwardness that would just lead to the dissolvement of our friendship. A couple of my friends tell me I should just go for it, but that only really works on random strangers whom you ask out cause there is nothing really to lose except pride. I am cool stepping back and not doing anything. This doesn't mean however that I am going to stop flirting with him (or that I have stop dreaming about him which still kinda freaks me out). A girl has to do something to keep them guessing. They say if you kiss someone in a dream it means that you respect them, which is true in Lucas' case.

Speaking of guessing, I also wonder how many people think I am a lesbian or bi. I find it kinda funny actually. IF I were... I would already have a girlfriend, seriously, those are so much easier to come by. Although I am betting some people thing that I am dating Londyn (sorry Amy, I ment to tell you...). My life would be easier if I were lesbian, hella more drama but at least I could find a date every once in a while instead of never.

Game night: so last night Chewy, Matt and I played Settlers... 4 games, Matt won them all. We also watched Battlestar Galatica which is a good show, I just feel I need to catch up so much. Also needs more explosions. And more Starbuck being her pilot badass self. It was fun hanging out. As of late it feels like I have very few peoplel I can just chill with.. I think this is still this post "everyone graduating and moving on to the real world" sort of thing. Like Amanda and I would just hang out some afternoon and bake cookies and watch TV. I miss that sort of thing. I've been watching movies at home by myself and it's been vaguely depressing, same with concerts and shows. I still haven't found a person who is just up for my random "let's go do something!!" moments. Most people are too busy... or weirded out by me and/or my choice in what we do. Smeh.

Sarah shadowed my show today, she was really good for a new DJ.

My body is still fucked up but I am dealing with it. I think it is part of the reason I am so down is because I can't really do any major mental or physical activities... I am reduced to a little old lady watching her stories and doing laundry. I can barely read a few pages without my head exploding in pain... it's ridiculous.

Well I am going to try and see how my balance is and maybe go to the gym. Then pass out for a bit or visversa... all depends on my head.

Halloween!

2006-11-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

Halloween this year was pretty fun, didn't go to any parties.. I actually only knew of a few that was like "friend of a friend's friend" situations... which I just find terribly awkward and weird. Anyway dressed up as Go-Go Yubari from Kill Bill and went into work for Tuesday. I even *gasp* wore my contacts. I think I pulled it off pretty well. My hair isn't quite long enough (and my boobs are too big)... but whatever. People recognized it and thought it was pretty good. I think I look horrible in this photo but it's the only one I've got.

Mike (our GM) dressed up in an old man mask and a Dead shirt and was KGNU. I wish I had a photo, it was hilarious.

Anyway I went with Rachel who lived on my floor last year in Hallett and Matt to Loki's Halloween show. Rachel went as a fairy in a costume she made herself and Matt was a naval officer which he pulled off really well. We all looked super hot. It was a total blast and we all had fun but it went much later than I expected.

I felt like a badass carrying that mace around all day. Dressing up like a killer school girl is too much fun, especially since that skirt is my aussie school uniform skirt.

I think right now I am going to dig around for my weight lifting gloves and try to hit up the gym before I have to go in for work. Lots of volunteers to train tonight.

I might be a tutor

2006-10-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

I ran into my old HD tonight while going to pick up Rachel from Hallett to go shopping. Andrea asid she had just sent me an e-mail about doing Geology tutoring for housing. It's $9.50 an hour and they only need me for 4 hours a week.

More details to come... but I might be teaching freshmen about rocks.

Also I forgot to post this but the ex decided to drop an apology letter in my box at the station.... I am not sure what I am going to do, I am not even sure if I want to deal with it right now.

The weekend is over update

2006-10-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream (that actually didn't involve Lucas this time) that Conor (our promo director) went missing for like a week, we were a little concerned but we kinda figured he like skipped out or something. Well one day Ed (promo assistant) pulls me aside and says that he's the one who made Conor disappear. He wanted to take over promotions and their show Under the Mattress for a while. So we go down the hall and there are these largish lockers, Ed opens one up and there is Conor all drugged up in one of the lockers. Ed uses some ether to wake him up then we pull the slightly dazed Conor out of the locker and helped him back to the station. Conor didn't remember anything and I was the only one that knew what Ed did.

Weird dream.

This weekend was really pretty good... Friday was when Matt and I went to the movie which was way fun. Saturday I got my Halloween costume together... this is the first time I have done my costume so last minute but I am going to be Go-Go from Kill Bill. My hair really isn't as long as hers but other than that and the patch on her jacket (which I am going to do a print out of and tape on), I have got the costume pretty much set. I went to bed at 7 pm because my body just gave up on staying awake. Sunday I played some of Destroy All Humans! 2, which like the original is pretty fun. Matt, Chewy, Brad, Ben and I did game night at Ben's house. We played Fury, Flux (which I enjoy), Nuclear War, Settlers, and Mille Bourne. We took a break and went to BJs and I spent far too much money on food, I am going to have to eat cheaply the next few days until the rent check.

Today

2006-10-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

Today was amazing. Totally.

I only got 5 hours of sleep since I trained DJs till 4am and didn't really get into bed until about 5am (it was really fun hanging out with the volunteers and eating pizza at 3am). I had a doctor's appointment this morning (ENT, Ear, Nose, Throat). Got a hearing test done... it was excellent.... still have awesome hearing. Most people on the scale from 0 (excellent) to 50 (bad) are a 25... I am a 5 on most frequencies in both ears. So I don't have a viral infection, I don't have a brain tumor... I have cervical vertigo. It means my neck is too tight and fucking me up. Oh! Nearly forgot to take my meds for it before I went to bed... they gave me muscle relaxers (read: stupid pills) that are supposed to help, and I get to go to physical therapy for it. Should be gone in two weeks.... yay!!

Worked at the station which is always fun. Last day as traffic director... Jenny starts on Monday. I am glad to be doing a new and different job.... traffic is important but I like training a bit more... much more interactive and fun. Jenny and I have decided to share the desk and the computer (it's name is "stupid son of a bitch why won't you work")(meh. it's old, whatev, nothing I can do about it). But that'll be nice because I like having a desk area and a vaguely functioning computer to work on. And Matt set me up my own training login.

Speaking of Matt... so I went home and showered and changed and then Matt and I went and saw Scanner Darkly at IFS. Pretty good movie.... weird ending but it's Dick so his endings are weird. It was pretty true to the book from what I've read of it. Yeah.. so went and got Chinese and Boba afterwards and Matt told me also sorts of great stories about living in Singapore and summers in Australia as a teenage marine biologist pirate. It was a blast. I haven't laughed that much in over a month... I love hanging out with him.

Well should get to bed. The pill I took is starting to kick in... don't think I've ever taking something that a side effect is blurred vision... this is a new one. I am only one this for a week or two. At least I am off any meds, I hate being on medications, maybe my migraines will go away...I'll have a grand party when that happens... maybe when I get better in a week or two I can actually start hitting the gym again. I've been dying to go but my balance has been too messed up.

It'd be great to get one of these

2006-10-27T16:56:00.001-06:00

Officially!!

2006-10-26T18:10:00.000-06:00

Finally it has been announced that I am officially the training director at Radio 1190. (after about 3 weeks of semi-secrecy) I am so excited, and a little nervous. I have a pack of volunteers coming in tonight to get trained... and no Loki, totally solo, he super sick apparently. As long as he sends me the training packet as promised, I should be fine... otherwise it'll be a bit impromptu... well more so then it already is.

So Monday is when Jenny starts my old job of Traffic Director and I need to wrap somethings up this weekend before she takes over. I think she is a little nervous about the job but she'll do fine.

Well I need to plan Culture Clash... maybe a Scandinavian night tonight.

Surprises

2006-10-26T03:02:00.000-06:00

I got done training Ben (brand new DJ) at the station and it was snowing like a blizzard. I felt really bad cause I am sure Matt walked home in it, if he would have stayed I would have gladly given him a ride... I didn't know it was going to snow.

Matt and Eric cleaned the board... so nice... without an inch thick of grim it almost feels like we aren't in some dank basement doing radio. The mold always reminds me otherwise.

Matt cracks me up. Everytime I hang out with him it just makes me want to hang out with him more... he was playing fab jazz while he and Eric cleaned the board. Ben and I were waiting until they were done so Ben could do his training. Then Matt puts in Covenant, I so didn't see him as a Covenant sort of person. It made me smile. It also made me desperately want to go to the Church and go clubbing.

Speaking of, I have decided to change my Halloween costume because on short notice I am not ready to do Uma from Pulp Fiction... instead I think I am going to go as an emo/goth chick... like hardcore with bandages on my wrists and everything.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

2006-10-23T23:26:00.000-06:00

Well okay I thought I was okay... won't be able to graduate this December but rather in the summer... have my Geology major, my music business certificate... do time out program at Boulder for Spring, enroll at UCD and do my last three music biz classes at Denver as well as Paleontology which I need to graduate, one last crit thinking course over the summer... wheeh done....

Well it turns out the last class I would need for Music Business Certificate isn't offered in the Spring. Fuck me. I would have to wait till Fall 2007 to finish. Great, a 7th fucking year senior.

And I am still not getting better. Fuck.
Oh and I got an apology from my ex. It was a letter in my box this morning. I really don't have the energy to deal with it right now.

I am just really frustrated right now. I am going to try to go to the gym tomorrow and lift weights, I need to get some aggression/frustration out. Hopefully I feel well enough to go. I need it.

This whatever it is.. "sickness" has been slowly wearing my optimism down.

Real food.

2006-10-23T09:46:00.000-06:00

I made eggs in the microwave this morning since I am supposed to be eating protein at each meal (according to my massage therapist). Since I couldn't reach the olive oil, I used Pam for Baking, and yes... my eggs have a slight "cookie" taste. Kinda weird. Still good though, at least I was able to cook something for myself.

Dream boy is back

2006-10-22T14:54:00.000-06:00

I dreamed about him again, the friend who I see 2-3 times a week and apparently my sub-conscious is infatuated with him. It's weird too, lately... well I haven't been dreaming at all.. or at least not remembering them which is very strange for me.

Last night I dreamed that is was like half my life (with guest apperances from people I haven't seen in years like Kate, my Matty, and Annie) and Bard's Tale. Well at least it wasn't a cross between my life and Ringu or Eye 2. (I watched Ringu 0 the other day... really really weird... kinda reminded me of Suicide Club).

Anyway in my dream the boy (I still haven't come up with a codename for him...)... er Lucas... from know on he's Lucas, because sometimes he reminds me of Lucas from Empire Records.
So anyway I was crying in my dream about how I am not going to graduate and I my body is fucked up and they don't know what is wrong and Lucas was half-ignoring, half-listening... he seemed distracted... and then suddenly he was saving me from something... I dunno a dark magical creature that was trying to kill as all or whatever. I had been crying so much I failed to see that it was about to kill me. There are many of my dreams that theme around Lucas saving me, I think it is partially the fault of the small amount of princess complex I have.

The princess complex: The idea that is put into your head as a little girl that there is this man out there who is perfect for you and one day he will show up on his white horse in shinning armor, sweep you off your feet and you ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. This can be reenforced in adulthood via any romantic comedy or bollywood/B&W film or your fucked up head.

I don't think the princess idea is true, a man doesn't need a horse to ride off into the sunset or save me froma dragon... if a guy give gave a rats ass how I was doing ans showed some concern... that would do it for me. Flowering plants and stuff animals are nice too. And the sandworm question wouldn't come up until after I have been dating someone for at least 6 months.

Sandworm question: Your girlfriend is eaten by a sandworm. Do you...
a) Run away!
b) Avenge your beloved's death by trying to kill the worm although it might mean certain doom for you.

Yeah when all is said and done, IF (and that is a big if) I ever date again... all I ask for is a sweet guy who cares about me. And fortunately or unfortunately no one seems to have the interest in dating me anyhow. Meh. *shrugs* Whatever.

Back to Lucas... we kissed in my dream... again. I really cannot tell him about any of these dreams... what the fuck would he think. It;s just weird and a little bit crazy. Plus ti would probably force me to admit that, yes maybe I have a crush on him.

Ugh. I am going to crash... I played a lesbian Dracula with multiple wives last night and it just took a lot out of me. I should have tried to seduce Mina Harker, since she killed me in the end

The Ex-WTF factor

2006-10-20T22:27:00.000-06:00

Today was pretty on par with the past 5-- er 6? days. Whatever.... since Saturday. I am slightly better... still unsettled though.

Went to massage therapist and she said I should change some of my diet habits... okay-dokey... I'll try anything at this point. In Chinese medicine terms she says I have "too much wind". She said I am being very brave about the whole thing. I guess. It's not like it's going to go away if I whine or cry about it constantly. I am just trying to keep entertained while I'm fucked up. It's just frustrating as hell.

Nearly finished another scarf... now that i am back in practice I am getting better and faster. It's fucking amazing scarf. I need to take a photo of it before Sam gets it.

Went to the station and as I was driving Jenny B home, she mentioned some guy dropped some stuff off in my box.... "I think his name was Travis..."
"What?!"
I described him and yes, indeed, it was my ex whom I haven't spoken with since April. She told me that he said I was expecting the CDs so he wasn't going to leave a note... Okay yeah news to me, I wasn't expecting any CDs. I went back to the station and there were two CDs in my box: X!nk's Vergif and the Lilja 4-Ever Soundtrack. The former I already had since the band sent me all their CDs, the later was a depressing as fuck movie we watched once, all in Russian with no subtitles.

I am confused as all hell because I haven't talked to this kid in about 6 months because he never apologized for being a total and complete asshole and showing up to my work drunk... during pledge drive... at 7am.

Unless he contacts me further I doubt I am going to acknowledge it. Thoughts?